Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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