i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
