I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
