There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
