Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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