i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.