ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend