Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.