What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
