She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
