TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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