just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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