my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
