Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
handjob tips. give me some.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
