Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
