I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
