so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
that's an acceptable place to lick
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
