I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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