So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think my moral compass just broke
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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