I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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