Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
