i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
