I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
