I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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