Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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