you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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