I'm really into asian looking animals
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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