Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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