booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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