So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
