I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
