There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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