HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
