3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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