At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
