Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
