then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.