So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.