Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...