My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single