I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize