Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
