Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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