Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
