Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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