So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
