You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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