He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
