you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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