Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
