I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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