Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
