Jerry, you need to find god
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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