i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
