just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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