Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i love accidental penises.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
