how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
