Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
