i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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