i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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