i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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