Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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