yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
