god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and i looked up. we had an audience...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
